Conquering Fear

So, I have bought a new car. A very sexy white Volkswagen rabbit. It's a MANUAL because I decided it was high time I learned how to drive a stick (not THAT kind of a stick dirtbags) Anyway, at first it seemed like a really exciting feeling. Then I actually got the car and started practicing in parking lots with my dad when it seemed like the worst idea ever. I couldn't get that damn car to move. I wasn't pressing the clutch enough, or I wasn't giving enough gas or I was tearing up in frustration while my dad yelled at me for being useless. It seemed terribly hopeless. Here was this beautifully engineered car that looked like a mini rocket and I couldn't fucking get it in 1st gear and move. I wanted to be run over by my own car. I also wanted to slap myself really hard for going on this stupid foolhardy quest of learning how to drive a manual. Who needs one in this country anyway? STUPID STUPID STUPID me.

All those feelings went away this morning. I had been praciticing every day with my dad, but I was a nervous mess and sweated buckets every time I sat in the driver's seat. But today I finally decided to take the car out on my own and drive it around to get groceries. I talked to myself while driving (therefore looking psycho to everyone else) I kept repeating that it was just a car, and that only I could truly control how it was going to move. In the 5 nerver wracking minutes it took me to get to the grocery store, it felt as though my heart was literally going to burst out from me and land on the windshield. But I didn't stall. I kept telling myself I wouldn't. I drove to the extremely bad-driver filled area of BJ's and even parked straight! I drove back smiling the entire way. I jerked a little here and there but I didn't stall at all. I wasn't nervous on the way back.

So in a span of 5minutes I conquered my fear. But it took me almost 2 weeks to build up the courage to go out there and drive for myself. I'm sure everyone else has learned to drive a manual in a much shorter time period but I'm glad i finally did it.

If only I took risks where needed in other parts of my life. But I figure, if I can gain the confidence to drive a manual, then nothing is too much further.

oh and here's a picture of my lovely new car =)