Why do we say it's always our fault?

If you're a supremely confident woman, then don't read the rest of this post.



If you're like the rest of us mortals, and blame yourself for when things go wrong in relationships (even if they're not your fault) then please continue..



Enter Scenario 1:

You just got into a fight with the boy. The argument went something like this..

You: in a random burst of anger: "You never have time for me anymore!"

Him: rolls his eyes first and then "Ugh...where this is this coming from?"

You: "Why're you rolling your eyes? When was the last time you did something nice for me?"

Him: "Um..well..we went out to eat yesterday! I paid for dinner!"

You: "That doesn't count! Credit cards don't buy love! What about writing me a silly poem..or buying me flowers randomly..or spontaneously telling me you love me?"

Him: "You said you hated flowers because they die. You want me to tell you randomly I love you all the time? That loses the meaning of it if I say it too much. What kind of poem am I supposed to write? Flowers are red..violets are blue?"

You: "Ugh! It's not about those specific things..it's just the general idea! DO something for ME..."

Him: "You're acting crazy and I'm confused. What do you want from me?"

You: "I'M NOT CRAZY! How can this confusing?! DO something nice for someone you care about! What do you mean what do I want from you? I want you to CARE!"

Him: Buries his face in his hands out of frustration...

Then you stomp off in a fit of anger.


Sound familiar? If this doesn't sound familiar and your boyfriend is sweet and caring, then there are two possibilities 1) your boyfriend is an alien 2) he is imaginary.

So while you're pacing back and forth imagining how shitty your life is, and how relationships are NOT what they always say they will be, and how you want to pummel some sense into your boyfriend's head...you start to calm down. The thought process probably goes something like this..

"Ugh! I could kill him. I do so much for this relationship. He never does anything. I do all the hard work... He's so effing lazy. Boys suck. Men suck. Why am I getting so upset? I should be used to this. Women do so much work. I get so upset about this stuff. Ugh. Maybe it's me. Maybe it's my fault. Maybe I overreacted. Maybe I deserved that because I overreacted Well..he DID take me out to eat last night. he DID pay for it. He IS a good guy most of the time. Men are just bad at doing things. It's ok. It's because he's a guy. He can't anticipate things like me. It's not him. It's me. I should go say sorry..."

Ahhhh. See? We end up saying we're sorry a LOT. Why? Some of us don't like confrontation and don't want to be in a tiff with our significant other.

THIS needs to STOP.

A lot of this kind of thinking comes from being passive-aggressive. Women tend to hide a lot of things that bother them about their bf because they think they can just get over it. But all these little things add up and then EXPLODE in some irrational silly way that makes us look retarded. Then, you rationalize it all in your head because you know you overreacted and then go soothe things. But that doesn't solve the problem. You're just consoling yourself.

Solution: BE Honest. If something bothers you, say it. Right then and there. Men can't read minds like we can theirs so they need help deciphering. Ok this does NOT mean women should whine about every little thing that their man does and claim they're being honest about it. That's a very simple recipe for making the man run far away from you. But in reasonable situations: tell your man something bothers you. Then, it WON'T be your fault if he didn't do something you asked him to do. He'll probably learn and not do it again if he knows it bothers you.

Ready? Break!