Acceptance

When I was in high school, I was part of this International Baccalaureate program where we had to take a 'Theory of knowledge' class every week. We discussed various topics in the class, but the core of it was based on questioning knowledge itself.

For example, if you're reading an article that you'd like to use for a fact-based research paper, how do you judge its value? What was the author's intention? He could be either truly objective or opinioninated (ergo you wouldn't use it if the goal is garner facts) This class taught us to really dissect any piece of information you learn / research so we wouldn't simply swallow whatever we hear, but actually THINK about what we're putting in our heads.

That's all fine and dandy, except now I see myself not able to accept things readily that I probably should. Sure, it's good to think about exactly what you want to save your brain space for, but somethings shouldn't be analyzed to the point of rejection.

I need to learn to take things more at face value. Maybe it's over time and I've become jaded (sounds so melodramatic since I haven't been through any REAL hardship compared to so many) but I don't want to live life following the scientific method (Purpose - Hypothesis - Methodology - Results - Discussion) <-- WOW I can't believe I remembered it!

I want to be aware, just not on high alert. The sky is blue, grass is green, and people can be nice without a catch.

What's the difference between a Pitbull and a Hockey mom?

Yes. LIPSTICK. I think I have learned something about myself thanks to red lipstick. I don't think any girl can just wear red lipstick. You have to be comfortable enough and secure with yourself to be like 'Look at me. I'm wearing red!' If you decide to wear the bright color out in public, whether you're trying or not, people DO look at you.

I prefer to be under the radar an not in the limelight. I figured red lipsticks were meant for girls that had that innate confidence and glamor. NOT me. But one fine day, thanks to the nudging of my sister I decided to buy red lipstick. a SERIOUSLY red one. It's a very pretty color and till yesterday it was lying in my makeup bag perfectly intact. I definitely wore it a few times an walked around...

in my own bedroom.

I was too scared to wear out in public because of all the voices inside me telling me I wasn't glamorous enough, or it would draw too much attention, or it wasn't my style and a whole other barrage of excuses.

BUT for the first time yesterday, against all my doubts, I did the very scary thing of WALKING in public with red lipstick on. I tried VERY hard to not be conscious of any stares and just kept my eyes straight ahead. It was a test. I CAN wear a bright color and not care!

I came back home intact. So did the color on my lips.

Point? I'm learning to be more comfortable with myself and take risks that I normally wouldn't. The bigger lesson? Only I can do that for myself. No one else can.

I'd say that's true for everyone.

What has this world come to..

So it's pretty obvious why the US is in the shitstorm currently. Apart from excessive greed, corruption, idiocy of the past administration, and whatever else caused the economic fallout, our country has gone down the hole further in my head thanks to a piece of news I read this past weekend.

Tori Spelling's new book is on the best seller's list at no.4

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Her book is titled 'Mommywood'

W.O.W

I'm assuming her book talks about raising kids in Hollywood and the whole 'Woe is me. I raise my kids in public even though I live in hollywood, parade around my family drama, and pretend to hate all the attention"

WHAT is it like raising kids in hollywood if you're rich? Hmm..you hire nannies, live in ginormous houses, shop in Rodeo drive while the NANNY (or nannies) takes care of you kids. You work out to get your body back in crazy good shape while the help you HIRED takes care of the kids. Oh not to mention, you probably have a chef, a driver, and maids that do all the housework. Wow, Please enlighten me TORI SPELLING with your amazing writing skills how tough life is as a mom with lots of money and help.

I really really hate it when celebrities with no real talent delve into fields they're not meant to be in. They're fortunate enough to fiddle around with different career choices and make lots of money in a field that they don't deserve!!! For example: a struggling, but talented writer would have to work very hard to get a publisher to publish his/ her book.

TORI spelling on the other hand just has to flash her last name and she might end up being the next astronaut because currently, celebrities are more important in the US pop culture (not even good ACTORS)

In other non-angry news:

I had tea / snacks this afternoon at the Equinox hotel on the 70th floor with my coworkers. It was deelish. Pictures will be up soon :)

Time

I think one of the hardest things to deal with is TIME.

For example, if you break up with someone you really liked, you can participate in a variety of activities to get over that person. Drink lots of alcohol, keep busy, follow shitty advice in women's magazines (if you're a girl), and then realize that only TIME heals.

IF there's an exciting trip coming up, and you're so anxious you can't wait to go, you still have to deal with the TIME factor.

Yes, there're many instances where good things happen with time, and the outcome is favorable but it's just so hard to deal with because you can't actually DO anything about it.

I've been struggling with the whole TIME issue for the past 2 years. When I graduated college, I had a job, then got laid off, then it wasn't my TIME to find a good job until now.

NOW, I'm here and I'm happy professionally and personally, but there're still some snags. I came out here to figure out certain aspects of my life, and of course I need the t-word and lo and behold, it's frustrating. I'm definitely at a crossroads of sorts and I'm having a difficult time deciding which direction I should go. A good decision shouldn't be rushed, so I'm not rushing it but I wish I could fast-forward my thinking process and reach that goal already.

:sigh:

I miss girls

:sigh: After being in the engineering field of study / work (in the U.S. I know it's different in other places) for a few years, it's pretty common that girls are very less. In college, I had my girl friends who were not in engineering to escape to. I went to work in Apex and I had girls around luckily at work. I still had some college girl friends around.

Now I'm 9000 miles away and I don't have any girls around me.

:sigh:

I just feel like boys probably think I'm crazy after a while. My personality is pretty um..I don't know, extroverted. I feel like they think I'm just weird or something. Fine, other girls can think that too, but MY girls don't =/ I don't feel verbally or emotionally self-conscious around my girlfriends. I'm not checking my makeup every 2 seconds, or watching every thing I say around these boys, but it's just different being around them ALL the time.

I just miss the connection with the girls.

I'm either with boys or alone.

:sigh:

I miss GIRLS!!!!

I miss laughing about stupid boys, hating on celebrity culture, arguing with Aarthi about the movie industry, dancing with girls!, working on getting free drinks, reading and discussing books / authors, getting ready, shopping, :ugh: i miss it all!!!!

I miss you girls back home more than anyone right now =/

Life in Singsing

Apart from getting used to the daily work routine here, I have had to adjust to the fact that my hair looks like a pile of straw. I've used three different types of styling cream, but humidity seems to win EVERY time. DAMN you 100% humidity!

I have decided to stop fighting, and just let Medusa hair take over. I'll just pretend to be one of those girls with the cool ass afro.

On to less superficial things, life here in Singapore is nice :) My daily routine consists of the following:

-Snooze the alarm till 7:20, run into walls getting out of bed, try to look presentable, meet my coworkers at 7:30
-Carpool to work (I haven't driven here yet. The opposite-side of the road thing bothers me a bit)
-Be completely lost at work for about 8 hours.
-Get stared down by all the Indian laborers (my favorite part I tell you)
-Come home by around 6ish
-Walk across the street to the hawker stands (food stalls) and eat a cheap dinner
-Skype + sleep.

I've decided my least favorite thing to do is STOCKING THE KITCHEN. You gotta buy so much crap. Ugh.

The weekends consisting of pool time, drinking, and walking to new places. So far I've been to Clarke Quay (pronounced KEY), Boat Quay, and Chinatown. The two quays have restaurants, bars, and cool clubs around. Chinatown has about 1000 tailors. I'm definitely getting a pimpin suit made here ;)

I'll post more pictures and a better update soon!

Singapore

The apartments where I live

A bakery nearby where I live. There are so many different kinds of bread!!

a pimped out rickshaw!

My new apartment

I still can't believe I'm here, but it's been great so far. It's a bit tiring at times because the humidity just drains you even if you only have to walk for 15 minutes outside. I'm hoping I get in fabulous shape because of it.

I shall post more soon :)